Thursday, May 28, 2009
ramdommzzzz
Ok, so i've not been updating....
Anyway, I'm munching Nestle's milky bar now.... And no, i am not pregnant just becoz i did an UN-Tracy-like thing and bought the damn chocolate bar and am eating at 11PM in the night, in my room like nobody's business....
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok, I'm done.... Hmm... Will drinking of HOT Lipton Tea after the Choco send me to the loo now?? Everytime I do an UN-Tracy thing, I end up 75% at the loo the rest of the day... Hmm.... Nevermind.
Ok, so I AM stressed up.... So stressed that I'm doing so MANY un-Tracy things this year alone.... I swear I have done enough damage to myself and my pockets this year compared to the last few years all added up and it's only MAY now!! Damn!
And seriously, the last time I ate a whole pack of the damn chocolate immediately without even stopping was..... a couple of years ago.... TMD...
I think I have the classic case syndrome of the middle child... Neither here nor there.... (FYI, I'm the 3rd child out of 4, not the second, just for clarification...)
I find it funny, you know? People I know and the damn TV always show Purrrfect families; they go out together to eat, shop, on holiday... The daughters almost always end up holding the mothers in the hand while shopping... Mostly, they even get the mothers to themselves...
1. When people tell me about their family holidays and ask about mine,
2. When people tell me about them quarrelling with their parents and siblings,
3. When people tell me their siblings and parents give them them extra cash when they need it,
4. When people tell me they and their family eat together during mealtimes,
I just laugh and laugh... Or I fake a face...
I seriously believe in the fact that there is NO such thing as free. Call me realistic or sadist, but there is bound to be SOMETHING that is tied to it, some motive.
1.
My family has NEVER taken a family holiday trip TOGETHER.
NEVER.
There is bound to be someone short, everytime there is one, and the last time there was a so-called family trip, it was like when I was in primary school. My dad is (still) standing FIRM that holidays are a waste of $$... We all end up fighting and not talking during the trips anyway...
Why make everyone so damn unhappy whenever we go on one in the first place?
Why bother?
2.
Damn it... At least they acknowledge your existence... You try speaking in mine lor.... I am always the LAST person to know anything, even though I stay in the same, bloody house as them... I have to FIGHT to get my voice heard... And just when I thought I finally get mom to hear me, lol and behold, the bane of my existence, ala my bro, comes skipping in with his kids.... TMD....
This is the freaking THIRD time I am taking a LONG (READ LONG) holiday and that freak upsets my plans yet AGAIN... I SWEAR HE LIVES TO TORTURE ME AND THE FAMILY... Super buay zi dong de lor.... TMD...
Every. Single. Time. I have plans to go out with my mom, he has to disrupt it.... SHIT him...
At the rate I'm going, seriously, I don't have any single breathing place.... Maybe it's time I go on a trip on my own... I am going to IGNORE the comments of: very dangerous, you should go with your family... HELLO! Read point one!
Since when have I ever listened to my own feelings and stand FIRM?? If I have listened, I should have rebelled long ago... Stupid me!!!!
Sigh....
Obviously, I have no spine, and I do NOT find it worth my time to bother about anything that happens... What will be, will be. A circle will ALWAYS be a circle...
I cared too much about this stupid family concept in the first place...
But yeah... It hurts.. And it repeats day after day, month after month, year after year... Like I said, A circle will ALWAYS be a circle...
Stupid.
Period.
3.
Like I said, there is NO such thing as freebie... Even the public toilet charge $$.
I seriously think there is a motive behind every action...
Call me stubborn, call me an idiot, call me stupid, call it loop-sided whatever. But seriously, I don't give a damn on what you people think...
Coz my life is a statement that nothing comes free. EVER.
4.
Eat together? Read point 3. Come to think of it, read ALL the points above! Bleh.... My house has a dining table for heaven's sake, and the only time I see everyone eating there is like.... once a year or so... Even CNY we eat seperately, what the hell do you think?
I eat together with my friends more than I eat with my whole family... The ratio? Heh...
Come to think of it now, I don't have a single CLOSE friend I can tell or talk to... I cannot even come up with a SINGLE name.... I can't even think of a group of people whom I can go on holiday and have fun with....
Guess I isolate myself from others TOO much, so much so that I will rather know MORE about others than tell people about my family huh...
What's there to talk about?
Everyone is so busy in their lives and their own problems, even my family has no time for me...
I have been betrayed enough by people I know that I am wise enough to shut my yap up from the very beginning...
Call me a cold fish or something, I seriously cannot think of a good reason to even talk about anything about myself or get close to someone......
Call me mysterous or lamer, I don't even care about my attitude anymore... Hell, I don't even know what do I want anymore... I doubt people even care...
I can't even open up to anyone...
Singapore is a SMALL DAMN SPOT, I practically can bump into people I know EVERYWHERE.... And once the stuff spills, you are bound to pick it up sooner or later and its not even from the horse's mouth...
The best thing? Everytime a single thing happens, everyone blames it on me. Nevermind that I am not at home when it happens, and nevermind that I am the freaking LAST person to know in the first place...
Sigh... If a sigh takes away 3 seconds of your life, i swear I'll be dead before 40...
There's a freaking everlasting war in my home, in school, in workplace and even in my head...
Maybe i am freaking stressed.
So stressed that everytime I come home, everytime I have a bloody off day or sat and sunday, I think I will be better off working...
So stressed that I am NOT even bothered about the 3 assignments that I have to submit by 12 June 2009, 6PM...
So stressed that I have no body close to talk to...
So stressed that I seriously have a damn panic attack when I forgot my HP and MP3...
Maybe I need to go hide myself somewhere. Home is no longer a haven, not when my bro and some other fella keep irritating me to death by walking in and out of my room and speak nonsense to rill me...
Maybe I need some time to just chill.
Maybe I need a timeout to myself.
Maybe I need to build and escape to my happy place. In my head.
Maybe there should be no maybes anymore....
Anyway, I'm munching Nestle's milky bar now.... And no, i am not pregnant just becoz i did an UN-Tracy-like thing and bought the damn chocolate bar and am eating at 11PM in the night, in my room like nobody's business....
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
(munch)
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok, I'm done.... Hmm... Will drinking of HOT Lipton Tea after the Choco send me to the loo now?? Everytime I do an UN-Tracy thing, I end up 75% at the loo the rest of the day... Hmm.... Nevermind.
Ok, so I AM stressed up.... So stressed that I'm doing so MANY un-Tracy things this year alone.... I swear I have done enough damage to myself and my pockets this year compared to the last few years all added up and it's only MAY now!! Damn!
And seriously, the last time I ate a whole pack of the damn chocolate immediately without even stopping was..... a couple of years ago.... TMD...
I think I have the classic case syndrome of the middle child... Neither here nor there.... (FYI, I'm the 3rd child out of 4, not the second, just for clarification...)
I find it funny, you know? People I know and the damn TV always show Purrrfect families; they go out together to eat, shop, on holiday... The daughters almost always end up holding the mothers in the hand while shopping... Mostly, they even get the mothers to themselves...
1. When people tell me about their family holidays and ask about mine,
2. When people tell me about them quarrelling with their parents and siblings,
3. When people tell me their siblings and parents give them them extra cash when they need it,
4. When people tell me they and their family eat together during mealtimes,
I just laugh and laugh... Or I fake a face...
I seriously believe in the fact that there is NO such thing as free. Call me realistic or sadist, but there is bound to be SOMETHING that is tied to it, some motive.
1.
My family has NEVER taken a family holiday trip TOGETHER.
NEVER.
There is bound to be someone short, everytime there is one, and the last time there was a so-called family trip, it was like when I was in primary school. My dad is (still) standing FIRM that holidays are a waste of $$... We all end up fighting and not talking during the trips anyway...
Why make everyone so damn unhappy whenever we go on one in the first place?
Why bother?
2.
Damn it... At least they acknowledge your existence... You try speaking in mine lor.... I am always the LAST person to know anything, even though I stay in the same, bloody house as them... I have to FIGHT to get my voice heard... And just when I thought I finally get mom to hear me, lol and behold, the bane of my existence, ala my bro, comes skipping in with his kids.... TMD....
This is the freaking THIRD time I am taking a LONG (READ LONG) holiday and that freak upsets my plans yet AGAIN... I SWEAR HE LIVES TO TORTURE ME AND THE FAMILY... Super buay zi dong de lor.... TMD...
Every. Single. Time. I have plans to go out with my mom, he has to disrupt it.... SHIT him...
At the rate I'm going, seriously, I don't have any single breathing place.... Maybe it's time I go on a trip on my own... I am going to IGNORE the comments of: very dangerous, you should go with your family... HELLO! Read point one!
Since when have I ever listened to my own feelings and stand FIRM?? If I have listened, I should have rebelled long ago... Stupid me!!!!
Sigh....
Obviously, I have no spine, and I do NOT find it worth my time to bother about anything that happens... What will be, will be. A circle will ALWAYS be a circle...
I cared too much about this stupid family concept in the first place...
But yeah... It hurts.. And it repeats day after day, month after month, year after year... Like I said, A circle will ALWAYS be a circle...
Stupid.
Period.
3.
Like I said, there is NO such thing as freebie... Even the public toilet charge $$.
I seriously think there is a motive behind every action...
Call me stubborn, call me an idiot, call me stupid, call it loop-sided whatever. But seriously, I don't give a damn on what you people think...
Coz my life is a statement that nothing comes free. EVER.
4.
Eat together? Read point 3. Come to think of it, read ALL the points above! Bleh.... My house has a dining table for heaven's sake, and the only time I see everyone eating there is like.... once a year or so... Even CNY we eat seperately, what the hell do you think?
I eat together with my friends more than I eat with my whole family... The ratio? Heh...
Come to think of it now, I don't have a single CLOSE friend I can tell or talk to... I cannot even come up with a SINGLE name.... I can't even think of a group of people whom I can go on holiday and have fun with....
Guess I isolate myself from others TOO much, so much so that I will rather know MORE about others than tell people about my family huh...
What's there to talk about?
Everyone is so busy in their lives and their own problems, even my family has no time for me...
I have been betrayed enough by people I know that I am wise enough to shut my yap up from the very beginning...
Call me a cold fish or something, I seriously cannot think of a good reason to even talk about anything about myself or get close to someone......
Call me mysterous or lamer, I don't even care about my attitude anymore... Hell, I don't even know what do I want anymore... I doubt people even care...
I can't even open up to anyone...
Singapore is a SMALL DAMN SPOT, I practically can bump into people I know EVERYWHERE.... And once the stuff spills, you are bound to pick it up sooner or later and its not even from the horse's mouth...
The best thing? Everytime a single thing happens, everyone blames it on me. Nevermind that I am not at home when it happens, and nevermind that I am the freaking LAST person to know in the first place...
Sigh... If a sigh takes away 3 seconds of your life, i swear I'll be dead before 40...
There's a freaking everlasting war in my home, in school, in workplace and even in my head...
Maybe i am freaking stressed.
So stressed that everytime I come home, everytime I have a bloody off day or sat and sunday, I think I will be better off working...
So stressed that I am NOT even bothered about the 3 assignments that I have to submit by 12 June 2009, 6PM...
So stressed that I have no body close to talk to...
So stressed that I seriously have a damn panic attack when I forgot my HP and MP3...
Maybe I need to go hide myself somewhere. Home is no longer a haven, not when my bro and some other fella keep irritating me to death by walking in and out of my room and speak nonsense to rill me...
Maybe I need some time to just chill.
Maybe I need a timeout to myself.
Maybe I need to build and escape to my happy place. In my head.
Maybe there should be no maybes anymore....
I left a footprint at 11:47 PM